The latest issue of GOOP (Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle magazine whose target audience is Gwyneth Paltrow) starts with an article entitled “How to Do Your Own Hair”. At first I thought this was an issue for five year old orphans but no, it is aimed at adults. It opens with “Despite having a job where I am meant to be presentable in public, I am wholly unskilled in the arena of doing my hair and makeup.” Classic job requirement. Classic life problems people have daily. The article then has some pictures of a guy doing some stuff to a ladies hair WHICH DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF THE WHOLE THING. She is not doing her own hair at all. Lies Gwynyth, LIES. HOW ABOUT DON’T USE A MODEL WHOSE NAME IS “HELLA”. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Hella blow out. Jesus. Hella has some hella straight hair right der. Realistically though, I find it insulting that someone who probably doesn’t even flush her own toilet is telling me how to do my hair. A “do your own hair” tutorial using stills of a model having her hair done by a professional stylist, good idea! Super relatable to! I mean really, fuck right off Gwyneth, go back to your $200 Alexander Wang jogging singlets.
BETTER HOES AND GARDENS HAIR TIPS
- Ponytails keep your hair out of the way and look sassy!
- For that just out of bed look just get out of bed and don’t shower. Easy peasy!
- Get your boyfriend/girlfriend/friend to help dye your hair and save upwards of $50 on hairdressers fees.
- Either don’t use shampoo or use really good shampoo cause your hair oils will balance out well at least that’s what a guy said to me in year 9. (Plus you’ll have heaps of pheromones floating around and pheromones are sexy.)
Sunday May 27th